#honestly i am just more tired over the fact that people are romanticizing this shit rather than just seeing it as it is

[fishyupmywishy]

You are aware that I’m not romanticizing it in anyway, right? You don’t understand what romanticizing means if that’s what you think I’m doing with my fic here.

There’s a difference between bringing awareness and enjoying such things. I’ve been SA’d several times over.

I felt sick writing my own fic because of how much it reminded me of it. I’m glad you think my fic is funny because honestly, if I didn’t make it even somewhat light, I’d actually lose it.

I’ve also gotten permission to disclose this because they also think it’s extremely disturbing the fact you just had the audacity to say that.: The fanfiction that I’m writing is very close to a a very true story that someone I know is going through. They asked me to write this because they want their story known but is too afraid to do it themself. All of the unserious and funny stuff that I wrote had gone through them first.

You’re right, you can use fanfiction as a coping mechanism. I was wrong and hypocritical to say otherwise. But when you expose yourself to more of that type, dark romance and all of that, you’ll only make yourself worse in the long run. Mine isn’t a dark romance in any sense. It’s hardly romance at all. It’s about a girl trying to make sense of herself while having to deal with all of the terrible things that she had done and had been done to her.

I didn’t say that every proshipper was a utomatically a rapist/pedophile. You misterpreted my words. I said that it’s can lead to such things.

Also, did I say just desensitized to fictional things? I meant in real life. I’ll spare you from having to read another article. Though, I doubt you read that one, but that’s okay.

I study psychology, I’ve had discussions with real doctors and researchers over this. I am also in therapy.

Look around you in these recent times. Due to the internet, people have become desensitized to truly terrible things. Murder, rape, literal genocide. You see more people making jokes about it than actually being disturbed.

The thing about every Azula ship being a comship? I’m aware. But I’d rather read and write about that then ever have to read or write about an actual romance about that. Because at the end of the day, the show itself humanizes those characters. Iroh is a beloved character despite being a thousand times worse than Azula. Zuko is literally just as bad as Azula, he just got his redemption arc while she didn’t. I’m not doing anything with the characters that canon hasn’t already done.

I’m also a minor. Calling me a pedophile and a predator is fucking crazy. What’s crazier is that you attempted to “use my own logic” and fucking failed to do so.

You’re personally offended.

If I’ve said anything in the last two post that attacked you directly, I apologize. I had no intention to do so. I was simply trying to explain and might have gotten a tad emotional.

For this post however, I’m not going to since you did essentially start it.

All you’ve done is show me that you both misunderstood my fic and that you also need professional help.

As I said, if you’re using fanfiction is a coping mechanism, you need help. Do whatever you want. Write as much as you want about Azula fucking her mom. It’s none of my business and I can’t control what you do. I wasn’t even targeting anyone specific when I originally posted, I was just sick and tired of seeing it everywhere. The same way you’re sick and tired of most people being disgusted by the thing you enjoy.

I hope you have a nice day, and that you, and every single proshippers out there realizes how messed up the shit they write and read is.

Stay safe, and I hope you’ll one day feel comfortable enough with yourself to stop.

Why is that my favorite ship at the moment (maizulee) have so much incest in the fics??😭

Like, alright, fine, it’s disgusting and I have a deep hatred for proshippers, but do what you want I guess. But the excessive amount Zuko/Azula or Ozai/Azula is actually so gross. Especially the ones that don’t tag it as incest. Seek out professional help or go outside cuz I’m genuinely so done😭

Anyway, if anyone has any long Maizulee fics to recommend WITHOUT incest, please lmk🙏

[serenadeonacanoe]

Honestly, I'd piss him off on purpose. (Namjoon x OFC)

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, too tired to beta

Tags: Artist!Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae are the best flatmates, Enemies to Lovers I guess... more like brats to making out in the storage unit, OFC is an idiot.

Summary:

"Wow. Is that that grumpy artist behind you? Jesus. He really looks like a bit of a dick. And you are right. He really is hot..." Oh no. Speakerphone. Namjoon was standing behind me and was staring at me. Then at my phone. He let out a little laugh, then raised his hand to wave at Tae and Yoongi outside who were now also staring at him as if frozen, before turning around in unison. As if that would help. As if he couldn't see them. Or better even... couldn't hear them.

[...]

Mister Darcy has nothing on Kim Namjoon - that new and upcoming artist you probably already heard of (You haven't? How dare you? At least have the decency to pretend you have!). He is cold, serious, and rather good at making other people believe he is a prick. Especially Elizabeth Bennet - uh... Charlotte - is about to lose it because of him. Maybe in a good way. Man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

CHAPTER 1

Even the sound of my own nails rhythmically tapping on the top of the counter was annoying me. To be fair, it didn't need much today to blow my fuze that had never been particularly long in the first place. But after a week consisting of being belittled by old white men and endless hours of unpaid overtime I about had it. Welcome to the art world. You know well before you enter that the hours are horrible and the job market is more than frustrating, but you love art and you have good organisational skills, you are resilient, charming when it counts and tend to romanticize things even when you know you shouldn't. It's too late to turn around now.

"That is why I don't use an agenda or notebook. If something is important enough for me to attend I simply won't forget. I know you youngsters are all about the bullet journaling and expressing yourself by mapping out your life but it really is just another way to procrastinate instead of getting to actual work." For a second I considered throwing my damn notebook in the buyer's face, but that probably wouldn't have helped my CV and the new job I would have to look for starting tomorrow. At least I should have screamed at him a little. Mainly, that I didn't care, that I was on my period and my shitty shower in the shitty flat i shared had broken and no dry shampoo in the world had fixed my hair this morning and that god damn it, how the hell was I supposed to remember every phone number, every call my boss had to take, every art handling transport I had organized if I couldn't write it down somewhere. Instead, I smiled. Died a little on the inside and complimented him on the gift of his exceptional memory and asked whether he would like another cup of coffee.

"What a dick." Samantha murmured, more to herself than me, after the guy had finally left, which made me snort under my breath. She usually didn't say much but when she did it was usually pure gold. In the end, it didn't matter that he was. Didn't matter that everyone at the gallery thought the art he had bought from us over the last couple of months had neither been smart nor impressive purchases. Mainly expensive. And flashy.

"Doesn't matter now." I said in a sigh after a quick glance at the clock. It was Friday night and we were about to close. Since it was my birthday on Monday I had taken two days off, about the longest break I had had this year and I was looking forward to being the lazy slob for a few days I was maybe always meant to be. In silence we answered a few last emails, tidied up the desks and counters so that potential buyers that would come in over the weekend wouldn't have to suspect anyone was actually working here. - A white desk. A huge Imac on it. That was all they needed to see, folders and pens and apparently especially agendas to be hidden away in drawers.

At five to eight I threw on my coat and Samantha just gave me a tired smile. Probably happy for me, just exhausted. "Have fun then? Don't get too wasted?" "Oh..." I said with a huge smug grin on my lips. "You have no idea... gonna take a bottle of Moët with me from the bar and drink it in my bathtub after eating a huge pepperoni pizza by myself and dancing to only the finest of 90s Euro Trash." I couldn't help it, apparently, I felt it necessary to give Sam a little demonstration, waving my arms up and down while swaying my hips in a way that I'd probably would not have if it hadn't been for a bit with an audience of a single person. Or maybe two?

A quiet scoff behind me and I quickly turned around, slowly lowering my arms, Sam biting her lower lip at the sight of me standing there like an idiot in front of HIM of all people.

Men didn't have to be old to annoy me. Or white. Yes, those were the ones that pissed me off most usually, but no one had managed to do so as much as Kim Namjoon recently. And now he was standing there, looking me up and down and stopping at my hair. The crazy too-much-dry-shampoo-because-the-shower-broke-hair. "Nice." He just commented and then looked over at Sam. "I'd like to take a last look before Sunday's opening if that is okay?" I stood there, my shoulders dropping, completely ignored.

"Uhm, actually, my babysitter has to leave in about an hour and I will have to be home before that." Samantha replied and I was impressed by how calm she stayed. "Of course." Namjoon said and gave her a slight smile. "Anyone else still around? Chris maybe?" Of course Chris hadn't been in today. It was Friday and unless important guests had announced themselves the owner of the gallery wasn't around on Fridays... "I am afraid not. But maybe Charlotte has a few minutes?" Well. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I felt a little betrayed. "Wouldn't want to keep anyone from their important Moët-Pizza-Dance Party plans." Namjoon replied before I could say a word. His voice once more dropping to a hushed, deep disapproval and his hands buried in the pockets of his rather expensive looking coat. Silence for a few moments and then he just walked off towards the room his exhibition had been set up all week. Showing without a further word that I would have to stay anyways if he wanted it that way.

"Well thank you for pushing me under the bus like that. Really appreciate it." "I am so sorry. But I was serious, I can't lose this babysitter. She got Jamie to eat vegetables. VEGETABLES!" Samantha suddenly seemed in a rush, grabbing her jacket and purse and showering me in promises she would make it up to me. Even though we both knew that wouldn't happen and wasn't necessary. Suddenly having to stay longer was normal. I just hated that it had to be today. And because of him.

I heard the door close behind Sam and I stood there for a second before putting my bag down again. Usually, I would have followed the artist, asking if I could somehow help, but nahhh... my ego was bruised up enough now, especially remembering the little dance. I closed my eyes. Fucking hated the guy. Always had. Well, not quite. I had thought he was cool for about five minutes when he had come in the first time. We had heard about him for quite a few months before, I think I had even seen pictures of him at some point, but those were nothing compared to him in real life. He came in all cheekbones and sharp chin and an all grey outfit, quick pace, observant gaze. Incredibly hot. He had also completely ignored me.

That's how it had started - a bruised ego. He couldn't know that it was my weak spot. Having studied art and its management and now feeling like a better secretary at times, when my colleagues and I were doing all the behind the scenes work while Chris worked very little hours and ended up with all the money and recognition. I was aware this wasn't the only field of work where this was the case, but it still frustrated me... I had imagined my life in the last years of my 20s to be a bit more glamorous than living in a tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city... spending my Friday night waiting for some rude artist dude to leave so I could lock up.

But what I perhaps hated most about him... was that I admired him. - Purely for his art. Really. Even the fact that he kept acting as if I wasn't around every time he came in didn't mean I couldn't admit that. At least to myself. The stories behind his huge colleagues were clever and thought through, but even without context, the pure aesthetics were mesmerizing. It was the kind of art that touched something deep inside of you and standing in front of it I always had a hundred questions. Whenever he brought in a new piece I was the first one to sneak a peek in the back rooms before it was hung.

"I don't get why you have such a problem with him. He is just... quiet. I think he might even be shy... stop being so sensitive and just ask him out already." I had almost strangled Sam for that comment a couple of weeks back. Stop being so sensitive. What did that even mean? Comments like that made me want to cry and scream at the same time, which probably would have been perceived as even more sensitive, but when had insensitivity become something to strive for? I had only kept quiet because I liked Sam and I knew what she had tried to say. At least I thought so. That I might have given less of a shit if I hadn't been rather attracted to Namjoon. Even though I had never mentioned it, she just knew. She knew if I didn't care about something I didn't waste my time on it. But if something made me angry or upset there was usually more to it. I hated that she could read me that easily. But he was still a dick and I still wanted to go home.

He took his sweet time. After an hour I walked up to him, a little speech prepared in my head about how he could come back first thing tomorrow. But when he turned around he just raised a hand between us to keep me from interrupting and turned away again. I hadn't seen that he was on the phone. "No, it's nothing, just one of the gallery employees." I heard him say and okay... if I wasn't about to explode before I was now. I stood there for a minute, fuming, and then simply walked back to the office area, my hand shaking when I started turning off the gallery lights one by one. It wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped but still felt good. Two minutes later the only lights still on were the one above my head and the one in front of the door. I would at least give him a clear direction where to head, he seemed to need it.

When Namjoon appeared out of one of the dark corners he looked even more annoyed than usual. Looking my direction through squinting eyes and his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek. "Seriously?" he yelled my way and almost walked into one of the little flyer shelves. Wasn't the first time I had seen that happen to him though so maybe that had nothing to do with the light.

I felt oddly triumphant. By the time I had put on my coat and turned off the remaining lights, ready to finally lock up, Namjoon had almost found his way, standing in the open door, still on his phone. A little groan from my side when he didn't even notice that I was standing behind me went by unnoticed. Or simply ignored. But instead of the appropriate clearing of the throat or the maybe less polite squeezing past him, I just put my hands on his back and gently pushed him forward a bit, until his feet hit the pavement and he turned around. Dropping his hand with the phone in it, for a second he looked like he wanted to push back. Or trample me.

"Okay, what the hell is your problem, Charlotte?" His voice was hoarse. His eyes dark. God, he was hot. I hated him so much. "You." I simply replied and stared at him for a second, then turned around and locked the two locks on the door before stepping over to the alarm system. I couldn't help feeling smug because apparently, he knew my name. I imagined him staring at the back of my head because he was flustered, but couldn't be sure. All I knew was that when I turned around again a minute later he was still standing there, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his lips pressed together forming a straight line and watching me.

"Do you always act like that at work around people who could get you into trouble?" He was right, he could get me into trouble. But I was too fired up now, my heart racing. "Is that a threat?" "An observation." "Only around the ones I don't like." "Cool." "Great." "Enjoy the dance party. Sounds shit."

And with those words he had turned around, coat flying open in the wind, unfortunately making him look really cool as he walked away and I ABSOLUTELY HATED HIM. I kept my mouth shut and just walked off in the other direction, realizing minutes later that my car was parked the other way, but I kept walking for a while before I finally turned around. It took a while to calm down and only cuddling up to my cat on the couch to trash tv finally did the job. But by then I had realized something I wasn't sure I liked too much. Yeah, I thought he was a prick. And yeah I should have just played it cool. Would have been much smarted in many regards. But I also had somewhat enjoyed myself in the most fucked up way.

Seeing that stern look, that intense posture as he was towering over me... man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

[hecohansen31]

For the smut alphabet could you pretty please do the letters A, C, I, J and V with my lovely Harem men?

WARNINGS: Explicit Smut.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

AXEL:

I do think that aftercare is very and dearly important to him mostly because he honestly wants to take care of you, and has genuinely this need to make sure that you are alright, after an harsh session.

I also feel that since he has been one of the few that has been with you so long, he is used to know what you like after sex, on his own, without you telling him, probably getting water ready and having soothing lotion on the bedside table.

Although he has a love-hate relationship with you, he certainly lunges around after the act, most of the time making you laugh, even more when you come to him for a quick relief, which he always knows when you need it.

MICKEY:

Mickey is the person who needs aftercare after your sessions, usually.

He just becomes extra cuddly and terribly clingy to the point that you usually have sex with him in his bed, so that you can fall asleep comfortably after the deed is done, because oh boy isn’t he an hugger, constantly having to touch you to know that he is safe, he did good and that you love him, something that you’ll need to repeat to him as you caress his hair.

He usually prefers having the chance to be the one comforted, but he won’t hate it if he is the one who takes care of you for a change, mostly because he gets to lavish some extra love to his own personal goddess.

ROMAN:

I do think that he is the one who’d care the least for aftercare.

Not because he is terrible (I mean he is) but because he connects the entire concept of aftercare to developing feelings, which is the last thing he wants to do.

He certainly doesn’t deny it, even more when it comes after an intense session, he will bring you water and in case you don’t feel strong enough he’ll wash you, soothing any injuries that might appear, but he won’t hold you tight after, and neither he’d be rather warm with his words.

IVAR:

Again, as Roman, I don’t think that he’d be openly caring and sweet.

He wouldn’t deny it, but he’d need instruction for it, such as:

‘draw me a bath’/’get me a glass of water’/’brush my hair’/’hold me’.

It comes both from him not wanting to develop feelings for you, but also being highly highly inexperienced in all the sex area, so, although he knows the physical side of it, he doesn’t know what goes through a woman’s mind, after sex.

Although I do think that he’d learn, eventually, relying on his good knowledge of people.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

AXEL:

He is the type to avoid coming inside, both because he doesn’t see the fascination of it, both because of the implications that it might bring and both because he thinks it is more degrading to come on your body.

Especially your face.

Alex is a gentle and joking man, and he can be that in sex, but he also doesn’t mind getting a bit down and dirty, even more when sex between you two is just a release of the power struggle that always goes on between you two.

And he doesn’t mind getting you dirty for it.

MICKEY:

He is a sweetheart and can barely last a few thrusts if he is allowed inside of you.

He is just that excited, although he can last for a lot of rounds, growing lazier than tired.

He does prefer to come inside because it makes him feel good, but also I do think that he’d certainly feel it like a more intimate act and also… he isn’t that quick and attentive with his own prick so, it isn’t so unusual for him to lose control and just stay inside of you.

ROMAN:

As Axel, he prefer coming outside, for the entire ‘I am a fuckboy, I don’t catch feelings’, but I do think that he’d also love the thought of making a mess on your body, for the sake of marking you up in a more evident way.

He’d absolutely probably come out of you, either jerking himself off to completion and coming on your tits if you are blowing him or on your pretty ass, if he is fucking you, pushing it inside with his own fingers, as he makes a mess.

He is just an artist in his own way.

IVAR:

INSIDE!

I do think that although he knows that you won’t have his children, he’ll entertain absolutely the thought of giving you his seed and for it to take its seat in you, making you pregnant with his children.

The breeding kink is just strong with this one and although he’d also be interested in doing a mess, but he’d want his seed to disappear inside of you, accompanied with a loud string of interesting curses and wishes.

And you can’t help but indulge him.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

AXEL:

Axel is the type of person that to me, no matter what, he laughs during the sex… AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.

You accidentally farted during sex? He’ll laugh.

You are making strange sounds, because of your dress? He’ll laugh.

You just kicked him in the groin, because he was tickling you? He’ll laugh (after he lost his entire voice screaming).

I do, then, think that intimacy with him can be either gentle or rough, but one thing is for sure not going to change: he’ll make you feel comfortable and understood all throughout it.

MICKEY:

Although he is a total sadist when he is the dom with you and Alex, he tends to be much much slow and gentle usually, he request that behavior from you, acting like a servant that needs to be cherished, an high class concubine that requests only the best of attentions.

So, sheets of his favorite silks and candlelight dinners, are a must, before the act, and when it happens it just needs to be soft and romantic, intense and passionate, but at the same time pleasurably slow.

ROMAN:

He is fast and rough, like I don’t personally think that I need to elaborate more about this, we all have seen ‘Hemlock Grove’ (and if you haven’t… you should!), so I do think that we all know that he isn’t one for romanticism.

He wants something and he takes it.

He doesn’t have a qualm to make you submit you against him-

Although you are his superior outside of bed, but he won’t hesitate to trap you under his body, pull you over his knees or bite your neck till he leaves a mark.

He isn’t one for soft words, but definitely dirty talking.

IVAR:

I do think that he’d be a good mix between all three men before him: he certainly is inexperienced so he wouldn’t certainly reach Axel’s level of comfortableness, but he’d try and search for your consent, even more during the first times, requesting all the attention on him, at the same time, like Mickey.

He can be intense and passionate, also because he explains and explores his feelings through the most physical of ways, so he certainly is the type to be gentle, till a certain point, still.

Once he gains his confidence and if he is pissed/jealous with you, he also won’t hesitate, like Roman, to regain the upper hand and show you his dominance, something that you can always catch up onto.

And use to your own advantage.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

AXEL:

If he is ever away from you, he’ll probably do it.

Don’t hold a grudge against him.

He is a ‘manly man’ (or at least he says it this way) and he sometimes has needs that he needs to fulfill.

The pleasure he gets from it, isn’t in the slightest comparable to you, although he is quite cocky about not depending on you from pleasure, but he won’t take anybody.

If he can’t have you, he’ll have his hand, sadly.

MICKEY:

He is the most well-behaved, and although he doesn’t like getting off by his own means, he’ll do it in your presence if you order him, he’ll absolutely put on a show for your eyes and solely your eyes.

Unlike Axel, he doesn’t have a high sexual appetite, mostly wanting to come with you and feel you beside him.

But your order is his wish.

ROMAN:

He is like Axel.

‘I have my needs, I am a fucking man not a dickless angel’.

For him jerking off is natural.

He isn’t proud of it and of course, he’d prefer it’d be you, but he has enough imagines in his head for his own private sessions.

And he thinks that it makes your reunion all that much better.

IVAR:

I don’t think that he’d appreciate touching himself, mostly for the fact that he just doesn’t feel like it.

Like he might get hard, but he prefer to either have a nice cold shower to solve it, he doesn’t deal all that well with his prick still, although he knows it works, he just… finds it distracting.

And he has you now.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

AXEL:

He is awfully loud in bed.

To the point that you don’t understand whether he is just ‘male faking’ it to make you laugh a bit, whenever you are together, but you love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

It also makes you feel like you certainly know when you are hitting he right notes.

MICKEY:

He is soft also in his whimpers, but he is definitely vocal.

And he loves calling out to you, being all whimpery and soft, asking for what he wants, because he knows that all he needs to do to be heard for you is ask with bestest of his manners.

ROMAN:

He is a little shit.

Definitely the king of dirty talk.

But except that he wouldn’t be much vocal, beside the occasional growls and moans.

Probably more for your benefit than his.

IVAR:

He is a good compromise between Axel and Roman, as in he tends to be pretty sensitive and new to all the sensations of your body and he doesn’t know to react, so he is usually doing what he feels like, which means… a lot of high-pitched growls and moans, and it is actually very very loud.

Not that you mind at all.

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FOREVER TAG:

@maggiescarborough

[gilmesc1]

Sacrificing my remaining braincells to the void

Ok friends, you requested it, you awaited it, I’ve cleaned out my ears to remove the melted remains of my brain, here we go, we’re doing this, tell my partner I love them. It’s time...for syscourse analysis.

So this is a very bare bones run through of syscourse, it’s as basic as it gets and if need be I’ll focus on components of it after I recover.

So, syscourse is literally the words system+discourse. Bet you guys never saw that coming. 20 seconds into this fucking mess and we already have a major plot twist. And I know what you guys are thinking. A bunch of traumatized people not getting along? Another plot twist!

Jesus I better tone down the sarcasm.

Anyways, what the fuck even has to happen to have syscourse, apparently two types of systems. Yes friends, two types of systems, and I’m not talking DID and OSDD (which are really quite similar).

Our players are traumagenic systems and endogenic systems. Traumagenic systems are systems that formed out of trauma, like DID and OSDD systems. Naturally this plunks me down in the traumagenic catagory, thanks to my big fucking mess of trauma. So we got that down, moving on to endogenic.

So an endogenic system is a system that supposedly split without trauma. No idea where the word endo comes from. Or like, what the fuck endo even means as a word like trauma. (Maybe I want to endo myself after reading a bunch of syscourse? Ok, ok that was bad.)

The biggest issue once you get down to it is who is the Real System tm, and do other systems belong in each other’s tags. This is the part where I’d smoothly bring you all to a good starting point, but *insert deity here* help me, there isn’t one.

Syscourse seems to be older than mankind itself mongrels, because I cannot find where it started and who the tags belonged to first. So for those of you who like to visualize, picture two dogs chasing each other’s tails, running in a circle, and that is syscourse.

So let’s break it down more. I, and I’m sure many others, flocked to tumblr to find others who experience what I do, that being traumagenic system stuff. Again, we have trauma that results in our system’s creation. And that’s all fine and good, sure not everyone gets along with each other but for the most part all us systems are vibing and sharing memes and posts.

Now like I said, to be an endogenic system you are a system without trauma, and to me this is a little confusing. Brains aren’t made to be multiple and I’m the clusterfuck I am because of trauma, but to just magically thanos snap a system into existence? That I have a harder time wrapping my mind around.

There are a lot of examples of endo systems, but the ones I’ll be looking at today are tulpas. What is a tulpa? Well at first I thought it was a ghost thingy that you get by thinking about it, (supernatural anyone?) but now that I look into it, it’s apparently a Tibetan religious practice.

So we have science vs spirituality. This spells disaster already for syscourse.

So to get a better idea of tulpas than I could give you, I’d recommend looking at tumblr posts on tulpas because I’m in sarcasm mode and not really in a position to educate about those. Long story short it’s a thought process where you can essentially create a second being that is similar to an alter, as it exists in a headspace and can switch in.

Now I said headspace and switch in on purpose, because that is where the issue lies. Endos and traumagenics fight about words like that, and who they belonged to first. Can an endo use the words system, fronting, ect when they are scientific words specifically for DID or OSDD, or can traumagenics use the word multiplicity when it supposedly came from tulpamancy?

Side note: Guys do not lecture me on words, I’m trying to give examples, sorry but I don’t have my words for traumagenics dictionary on me rn, that’s in my other hoodie.

The majority of day to day syscourse is endos and traumagenics “infiltrating” each other’s tags and safe spaces, and ruining everyone’s day. From what I have seen, many traumagenics do not want endos to interact with them, and personally I see a few good reasons for this.

1, mental illness is not a trend and DID and OSDD are very very rough to live with. With there currently being a lack of scientific evidence on the existence of tulpas, I understand how it can seem that some are cashing in on the “DID hype” and giving off this romanticized view of being a system.

2. People with DID might be looking for specific DID info, and having to strain through irrelevant topics to them might be heavily stressful.

3. We’re traumatized and random things can set us off. This is the internet and I think everyone is at least a little toxic, and both sides have said shit to each other, but when people get triggered its easy to lose control. Not an excuse, tis merely a fact.

I’ve seen endos post things like “all systems are valid” and it’s a nice sentiment, in my heart of hearts behind my black toxic drama loving one, I’d like it if systems could just get along, but on a topic as complex as mental illness I don’t think that’ll happen.

I’ve seen both sides say things that were really uncalled for, and there’s no right or wrong answer overall in a fight like this. Naturally I’m team traumagenic but as for whether or not I feel like endos are valid or not, jury’s still out on that.

Hear me out, I have heard the theory that endo systems can help deal with trauma despite not being formed by trauma, and I’ve met a few people irl and seen things that confused me. Maybe they were traumagenic systems who didn’t know their trauma, idk.

I really don’t want drama. I’m sure systems on both sides are good people but like I said, the internet is toxic. (btw I love you mutuals, you are all good people)

In my humble opinion syscourse is stupid. I think there definitely should be a discussion about endos and traumagenics, but like can we talk like adults and not be like “WE’RE ALL VALID UWUUUU” with a string of toxicity behind it.

That level of back and forth is dizzying and irritating, and quite honestly I don’t want to deal with it. This is me trying to be neutral and give an overview, but that’s hard as I am traumagenic myself, and I don’t really understand the other side.

That’s why I’m not going to say I reject endos. I need to figure out more for myself and since this does leak into my personal life i want to do it carefully. I’m open to polite discussions, but I really want to keep out of syscourse drama.

Another side note: Something I think that is especially stupid is the amount of outrage over users saying they dni with endos. It’s a choice for that person and it should be respected. Like how I have personal reasons for keeping discussion open, others have personal reason for closing it. That should be respected and not ranted about. There are thousands of tumblrs, find one that isn’t dni and leave those people alone.

Additionally, if any endos do want to talk I’d prefer if you dm me, as I want to keep my blog traumagenic focused, both for my followers and for me, out of respect for those who don’t want any endogenic content and for me so i don’t wear out my three brain cells (I’m accepting name ideas for them)

To end this, I don’t want drama, nothing makes it easier for me to cave to my vices then drama, and syscourse is so freaking tiring that it would be like rolling around like sandpaper to get involved.

So there it is, my useless, sarcastic post on syscourse. Let’s see how many followers I lose, and if need be I can look into more stuff about syscourse since this is an overview.

Again this was supposed to be neutral and not necessarily all of my views, I’ll get more personal on it later maybe, but tbh I’m too fucking tired for that rn. Chronic illness, hell yeah.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed, I’m impressed I wrote it all, have a good day guys, I have to go to a party while feeling like my body is leading a rebellion.

I don’t even like people, why am I going XD

But hey shout out to social distancing, I’m using my personal space bubble and NO ONE can stop me.

Ok, time to give the braincells a rest. See you guys

[whats-the-story-tc]

31st of January, 2020

"The One Where Atlas Stumbles"

[LONG POST WARNING]

Another day, another flannel.

Dreaming with her the second night in a row, I really bloody hoped they hadn't changed the supervising schedule and I'd see her when I come in. And I did. What with my impending two-hour rehearsal instead of my first two classes, Debate Friend and Art Friend being outside and just plainly the sight of V, I was way too giddy. Teasing Debate Friend about me and Art Friend not having to suffer in Physics, making jokes, laughing way too loud. I noticed V turning in our direction, I think I might even have seen her watching us.

As we leave, Debate Friend to class and us to look for the always late A, we pass V and I flash her my biggest smile to greet her. Art Friend and I are back soon enough, chatting, and I tell her "Something always happens when I'm having a good morning." This time it's V passing us. There is something gentle about the way she looks at me. You know that particular look on someone's face when they aren't smiling, but they still look happy? Content is the word for it, maybe. That's the look. Oh, how I wish I wasn't right about what I said...

Break between rehearsals, I'm outside chatting to my friends, most of them about to have class with the new (foreign) English teacher. Bookworm Friend is gushing, what if he's young and just out of college (either of which he isn't), cuz then she's gonna be really good at English. I automatically tell her "he's a whole ass adult and you're a minor, you can't do that" before I realise what I just said basically contradicts what I call my current love life. "Though I am one to speak" I add frowning, and everyone laughs. I really am a bloody clown, aren't I?

English with V, in the very same classroom where I spent two hours crossing my arms, yelling at and threatening one of the boys in my year (that's my character, don't be scared), and falling on my knees over and over again until we got the scene right. V is quite visibly a little worn down, still in the process of finishing what I assume was probably coffee, but powering through class. Metaphors, synesthesia, symbols and the such, what they are and how they work grammatically. After spending two hours the previous night deciphering Biblical parables and breaking them down to metaphors and meanings for a test we didn't even write, I felt ready.

Cynical Twat has his finger bandaged, I think he cut it or something, and thus he can't write. V asks him about it, and when he tells her all that, she's just like "Well, I was never allowed [not to write]." in this half surprised, half jealous kind of way.

The words for pigeon and dove are interchangeable in my mother tounge, as the actual word for dove is quite outdated. And although the metaphor was about a dove, V specified "When we call someone a pigeon, we don't mean that they smell and spread diseases." At the end of class, when somebody asked her how specific we will need to get about recognising these things in writing, she mentioned we will need to know which example is a metaphor or which one is, for example, a symbol, and added "but you will only need to know the exact subtype if you're preparing for an A level", and briefly glanced straight at me before taking a sip of her coffee. I smiled. Challenge accepted.

First lunch break, two people from the other class are rushing towards me the moment they see me, to ask for my Literature textbook. V told them if anyone doesn't have theirs, they're going to have to answer some questions for a grade. Me being me, I gave it to them because, as I told Pocketwatch Friend, "I love V to bits, but I wouldn't want anyone having to answer the questions she asks." Got my book back the next lunch break, as they forgot everyone's having homeroom, and getting their first term report cards.

V and I have a bit of a similar way of walking—long and fast strides, shoulders straight, head held high—so it was a bit funny, both of us heading towards the same door from opposite ends of the corridor. (Though I only really walk like this when I'm confident in myself. It's funny, apparently I do it often enough for it to be noticeable, cuz admittedly, V recognises this walk of mine. It's something she told me at the end of last year, when she mistook someone on the street for me, but realised our hairs were different and that I walk differently.)

As I'm sat in my usual place, head on Pocketwatch Friend's shoulder as I was really tired, I notice that there is something off about V as she's typing away on her laptop. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what, but I felt that something wasn't quite right. The feeling further strengthened when she started the lesson, and I saw her eyes. They looked years older than they did merely three hours before. There was this... deep-rooted exhaustion and sorrow in them, and at first glance, I thought she had cried. She did smile a couple times as far as I remember, and by the end of the lesson, when she showed us some romanticism-period music and art, and we all cracked up on how the cable connecting our projector to her laptop constantly malfunctioned and kept colouring everything to pink, she seemed to be in a lot better mood. That's something I noticed about her in the past two months or so, that she's usually a bit off when she starts class with us, but by the end of it, she's much more calm and feeling better. Not to brag, but I think she likes being with us.

On my way out, as she was telling everyone to put their chairs up, I told her to get some rest as I passed her. She usually doesn't hear these kind of comments because she doesn't want to, but I tried. But, while her "thanks" was probably addressed to the others, she did look me in the eye as she was walking out, me already being outside. There is something gentle about the way she looks at me. Maybe she did hear it, after all. Maybe she was glad. These looks of hers are the reason I never know for sure how she feels about me. That's the one thing I never learned how to read about her.

After I spent an hour and half with six little girls clinging to me every other minute of training, I went home feeling great. That's how I know I'm doing my job well. My boys aren't quite so physical, naturally, but I like to think they like me, too. They laugh at my jokes. Anyway, I was in a good mood, ready for dinner, having a good time... then I get a text from Bandana Friend, saying "Look at V's [SNS account]."

Private account.

I immediately got dead scared. What if she found out I was there? What if she saw? Oh God, what if I fucked up? I immediately lost my appetite, and I was in a rather intense state of fear and panic, not at all able to think the situation through rationally and spamming both Bandana and Pocketwatch Friend about the situation. Now, I am aware that I overreacted quite a bit, to the point of nearly crying, and that the situation is nearly not as dramatic as I thought, but I really felt like I betrayed her and invaded her privacy, which, especially after all the shit she's done for me, felt like quite the dick move.

Why was her account public before if she didn't want anyone finding her, you may ask. I actually haven't got an exact answer for that. The best I can say is that—she's human. She made a mistake, and I trust her enough to feel that she did. She was careless, but I'm in no position to throw the first stone at her. After all, I was, too.

For long hours after that, I felt hollow. Disappointed in myself. I could only cry later as well, once my mum was gone. Quite tragic, that. One Friday I'm crying in her arms, the next I'm crying because of her. This is why it took me so long to sit down and tell you this, even just writing all this took me 4 whole ass hours. As I thought it over and over again, I realised V isn't someone I should be fearing. That if she ever confronted me about it and I admitted to it, she would be hurt, but she'd understand. She wouldn't hold a grudge, and I could surely make it right by her, were that the case.

But both my friends offered an explanation that made even more sense. After all, it was my cousin from the other class who found it, and surely all of his classmates know. My friends both said that maybe someone over there let the cat out of the bag—honestly, some people there are the type. If you read things back, the fact that she had class with them between our two classes with her, and that she started class with us really disoriented and worn quite add up. I don't think I'll ever know if she saw I was there. I don't think she'll ever mention it. I still feel a little guilty, and something tells me all this isn't quite over yet, not until I see her again and see how she acts. But spending an hour last night, jumping around barefoot in my PJs while listening to Queen and Abba and lip-synching into my phone worked wonders to get the depression out. You should try it.

We'll see how things go. Maybe I screwed up, maybe we both did, maybe neither of us has. Whatever happens, I'll tell you next time. Promise I'll be on time from now on.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[solarbin]

Alrighty, we’re at the third to last installment of this hellish kdrama, so let’s dive right in, shall we? Episode 10 under the cut!

I take back what I said in my last post, I like the dark witch character as well, so she’s apart of the small ensemble of characters that aren’t complete shit or just flat out boring (plus her acting is passable as well). Truthfully, she does remind me of Ursula from the Little Mermaid--I was waiting for her to bargain with Chohong for her voice honestly. It’s obvious that’s the kind of vibe they wanted to give her since she’s gotta be the seemingly antagonistic character, but I felt bad for her, she just wanted some soup! :((((( She’s clearly a part of the past events between chohong and the director’s childhood traumas (along with the grannies), but that aspect is for a different section. I did find it pretty funny how they juxtaposed her trying to find chohong through a crystal ball while last episode cool gran just whipped out her cell’s GPS to locate the other grandma. LOL 

But let me just say...  Someone let this witch have some soup! #givehagsomesoup2k18! 

Okay, moving right along to our next section which turns out to be the opening with our “main couple.”

Wow, what an opening. You have the entire movie theater glaring and judging your PDA so harshly it forces you to leave (and rightfully so!). Get a room, guys. Jeez. Yes, we know all you two know how to do is suck face and argue. Wow, what a couple.

This lady’s disgust gets me! LOL Same, fam. Same. I’m honestly more surprised by the fact that for the first time, I’m actually on board with a judgy crowd. (You know a couple is in trouble when....) 

Anyway, so a trope-y scene happens that forces Chohong to use her powers to save them which has got to be the most awkward scene I’ve ever witnessed (Nah, I’ve seen worse) but it takes the cake for stupidity this episode, I guess. All she has to do to get away with it was to put her hand down and it could’ve just been a coinc-y-dink the elevator stopped but nope, the awkward reveal is awkweird. 

Most of this episode is boring, so I’ll skip around with a few comments here and there sparingly.

SNORTS I'll say. 

Alright, I understand that the narration wants us to know she’s wrong since she’s meant to be taken as cold and cruel which is “bad” but hear me out, she’s valid. lol (Off topic, but I love her little owl bandana!)

You might as well be in this relationship, Chohong. /scoffs. 

I swear every other minute that these two are together, they’re asking one another if they’ve angered the other. I understand couples need to fight and have arguments but it’s ever once in a while not every damn scene they’re in together that they’re either upset or causing the other to be upset. That’s just a mark of a relationship that doesn’t understand or know one another well if at all. That clearly shows they’re not right for each other. To be honest, I skipped most of their scenes to just take up plot points cause I end up glowering if I last too long on one of their scenes.

NEXT.

First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, of course, they wouldn’t like you, you inconsiderate douche canoe!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why would they?!?!?! You blatantly caused them grief by forcing them to figure out how to come up with the outrageous sum of money to pay for your outrageous amount of rent you placed on them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, obviously, they’d be so thrilled to see their granddaughter falling for the dick that took over their building, deciding to jack up their rent to illegal proportions, forcing them to make food for you, ordering them around in their own damn house, and invaded their damn privacy!!!!!!! NEED I GO ON. They only saw you as a means to an end to save their granddaughter. Like sdkfhsak no, you’re invalid. You’re null at this point. I can’t even, MOVING ON.

snorts

Again, when something that in the past I would’ve been on the side of the couple, I’m suddenly more in line with the feelings of the guardian’s or the judgmental crowd. I could say it’s cause of the aging effect; the older you become the more in tune with the parents' argument you feel verse the naive stupid teenagers... but here’s the thing, everything goes against these two being together, even their relationship itself is against them because they just don’t work. I’m sorry, the narrative wants me to take pity on this main couple but I’m finding their surrounding’s sentiment wiser than them. So, I have no sympathy. 

As I figured, they’d just sweep Jaewook under the rug and give him four minutes of screen time because of that technical rejection last episode. We only came back to his scenes because of Chohong’s relationship with Ma has gotten harder and narratively they want the audience to understand how effortless and simple she could have it with Jaewook but it’ll never happen because she “wants more” which pisses me off. Yet again Jaewook says all the right things and for Chohong it’s not enough because it’s too easy. I do understand that a person saying all the right things is unrealistic, it is, but it’s the effort of unconditional love that should be desired, not a relationship you have to be dodgy about what you say to avoid arguments or constantly just stepping on each other’s toes. 

The narration wants this to be the undesirable love because anything easy shouldn’t be obtained but I’m sorry I don’t buy that. When two people can playfully banter and cheer each other up or encourage each other effortlessly, that’s signs of a healthy relationship. I’m so tired of this drama romanticizing such a disastrous love and making it out to be the grand love story while I also have to witness in the comments section how shallow people will be over it. I’m tired. After this drama, I just hope I don’t have to sit with another dud to support Hongbin in cause this is so insufferable to watch for him to be set up just to fail. At least I am having a good time tearing this drama a new one tbh. LOL  But I rather steer clear of romantic series. (Let this boy act outside these roles!!!!) It’s been a toss-up between Moorim and this as the worst series I’ve had to watch that he’s been in if I’m being honest. I hated glorious day but you can just watch his cuts to get through it and it’s harmless that way, but this... contextually it’s a miss. 

I only have one more thing to say about the main couple, and that for once, I actually felt a scene was handled right. We’re presented with Chohong revealing her powers to Sungtae but before she does she calls back to his line about “tidying up your feelings before taking the relationship seriously.” It’s interesting that when he initially used that line it pissed me off (unsurprising) but there’s Chohong using it correctly. So, if he accepts her, he can give back the neckless he gave her thus reigniting their relationship or he can just leave and their relationship is forever over. But what I like about this is Chohong takes the direct approach and is giving the ultimatum before revealing who she is and potentially getting disappointed if he answers wrong/undesirable. Good on you writers/directors, you can pat yourself on the back for (1) one thing. 

I mean it’s obvious these two will be together in the end, as much as I hate it. Narratively, having your couple break up two episodes before the ending without giving the secondary couple quality romantic scenes spells doom on the secondary couple and only solidifies the main one. I’m only curious as to see what they do with Jaewook’s character to wrap up his role in this plot since he’s only been the foil to the main pairings romance and quite frankly it’s a waste of Hongbin’s talents to be in such a role. 

Lastly, let me just mention how //snorts// all the flashback scenes for the main couple were SO BAD. Seriously, nothing of quality to explain why these two love each other! It just shows every reason why they’re SHIT! God, what piss poor writing and directing, hahahaha. 

Anyway, I shall end it here, till next time! ;)

[lasermeup]

LONG PSA: Regarding Killing Stalking

So guess who finished reading what’s available of Killing Stalking recently? That’s right, me! And that’s after seeing two sides of the–uh,  what we might consider the community I guess. So here are my loooong two cents regarding what seems to be the main issues with the series in context of those reading it and enjoying it aka the newly growing fandom.  This assumes you don't already understand how fucked up the story is and you're reading it and responding in an inappropriate way.

1. Please understand this is not a story about a healthy and loving relationship.

I repeat, this is NOT a story about a HEALTHY AND LOVING relationship. This is literally a story that is a study of two individuals, both who have a long list of trauma from their childhood that have shaped them into who they are “today.” Both individuals express several key behaviors and types of personalities that would make any psychologist, sociologist, and/or those who are studying mental behaviors, abnormality, and the relationship of individuals and their society perk up with morbid curiosity. Why? Because they literally are expressing traits that usually are linked to those we would diagnosed or be evaluated as within the spectrum of sociopathy/psychopathy aka antisocial personality disorder.

What IS antisocial personality disorder? Antisocial personality disorder as defined by the DSM-5 is the diagnosis assigned to individuals who habitually violate the rights of others without remorse. Those who are diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder tend to be individuals who showcase a lack of remorse for safety (mental, physical) of others and those who impulsive, liars, and highly manipulative (whether it is subtle or direct). Antisocial personality disorder diagnosed individuals also showcase a lack of guilt as well. Most importantly, they tend to disassociate themselves emotionally and mentally from their choices or acts.

The difference between psychopaths and sociopaths is the “root” of their risk. While both are individuals diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, psychopaths tend to be more based on genetics (so self focus) and sociopaths tend to be more based on environmental factors (so the circles in which the individual interacts with aka school, home, family, etc.).  This is NOT to say that psychopaths are not affected/can’t be affected/do not experience trauma relating to their social circles, but the difference between the two tend to stem from the source of their risk. 

P.S. High risk vs low risk : those who experience trauma, particularly extreme violence creates a higher risk for antisocial personality disorder for a multitude of reasons. It’s important to TAKE NOTE THAT THOSE WHO ARE CONSIDERED HIGH RISK DO NOT ALWAYS OR ARE GUARANTEED TO DEVELOP ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER. They are simply at higher risk to do so. 

P.S.S Antisocial personality disorder/psychopathy/sociopathy does not guarantee violence. Violence is not something that is a “must” or a “plus.” It is there in most cases but it is not the main reason for why someone would be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. 

2. Stockholm syndrome, stalking, and murder is not cute.

Like, I’m not even sure why this should be something to discussed because the truth and reality of it all is that those three words are not linked to anything positive at all. Stockholm syndrome is often seen as a mental adaptation to what is a very terrifying and traumatizing scenario.  It is a PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITION that creates feelings of safety (and yes, at times affection) toward kidnappers or captors from victims and hostages. This, however, is NOT LOVE. This is your mind literally creating what appears to be a safer scenario in which survivability increases. This is not something victims choose to have. This is a condition that appears usually because of trauma. Romanticizing Stockholm syndrome is honestly disrespectful to victims who have gone through it because you are literally pretending it is something that people choose and something that is wanted or desired. No one should be wanting to be placed in a scenario in which you either make yourself love your captor or you go through hell. 

Stalking, again, is not cute. It is an act of violence against an individual because it ignores all the rights, desires, and autonomy of said individual. Yes, stalking isn’t always violent. Not all stalkers come to attack their victims but most stalkers know what they are doing is abnormal and outside the category of normative social interaction. Stalking creates intimidation, a false sense of reality for the stalker (because the perspective and view of the world from the stalker is very different from the view of the victim), and often results in acts of violence if that “reality” is changed or altered. ROMANTICIZING STALKING IS SO PROBLEMATIC I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START. This is a thing that is REAL and that affects people and causes FEAR. It isn’t something funny, or loving, or whatever you want to call it. It’s not fluff. 

MURDER IS NOT CUTE. MURDER IS NOT CUTE. MURDER ISN’T LOVE. YOU DON’T KILL FOR LOVE AND YOU SURE AS HECK SHOULD NOT BE THINKING BEING KILLED BY SOMEONE YOU LOVED IS THE BEST WAY TO DIE. Murder should NOT be romanticized because please don’t forget that murder takes away someone’s right to live without remorse or care about what they want. I mean, quite honestly, we shouldn’t be romanticizing suicide, double suicide (or lover’s suicides as some know them by) or murder. Period. Romanticizing it is taking away the truth of what it is. Redefining it as an act of romance ultimately adds into issues in which we ultimately condone these acts if they’re “acts of love” (which they are not). 

Romanticizing any of the above is pretty fucking shitty in general but to romanticize them within the context of Killing Stalking is even more so. 

3. Please take note that Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder are two very similar sounding things but are two very different diagnoses.

Those who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder experience a series or a pattern of swings and these are often longstanding. Bipolar Disorder diagnosed individuals usually experience what is deemed as “episodes” or “periods” of mania. This means that they can experience depression (suicidal thoughts, lack of energy, loss of interest in hobbies, etc.) or mania (excessive happiness/anger/sadness, higher risk taking, impulsiveness) in episodes or periods. Both BPD and BD are “swing” disorders but BPD is long lasting and BD is alternating (though you can experience both depression and mania at the same time).  Romanticizing either of these are no no, by the way. And generalizing these as the same is also a no, no (as treatment differs for a reason and effects are different). 

Now let’s get to actual Killing Stalking part related part with the fandom.

1. This is not a healthy story and so you should not read it as if it is a normal, romantic, sweet, healthy story. 

Please look at what I wrote above if you honestly need a reminder about why this isn’t a story about healthy love or really, love in general. 

2. Stalking, psychopathy/sociopathy, disorders in general should NOT BE ROMANTICIZED or GENERALIZED.

People have gone through many things, many experiences. Many are also at risk for these disorders and/or others. Many people are also living through trauma or abuse. Romanticizing any of it is disrespectful to those individuals and also disrespectful to the scientific and health community who have worked their asses off to get rid of negative connotations and misleading bias toward these disorders and individuals who are diagnosed with these disorders. These are things that affect people, affect society. Treat them with respect. Going kyaa, Stockholm Syndrome!! I want that!! is not the way to go. And quite honestly, that’s seriously immature of you to even have that thought in the first place. And honestly, if you are interested, please consider picking up articles about these disorders and case studies. Educate yourself on these topics because trust me, it gives you a whole new perspective on actions and behaviors. 

P.S. If you have a fucked up definition (aka, one NOT IN THE OFFICIAL BOOK OF DEFINING THESE DISORDERS), don’t you put that definition onto people in real life. Just, no. 

P.S.S. this is also the same for real life serial killers. Bundy, Zodiac Killer, Killer Clown, Leather Man, none of them are meant to be romanticized. REAL PEOPLE HAVE DIED AS A RESULT OF THEIR ACTIONS. Okay? Okay. 

3. Please consider reading this as if it is a very creative, possibly exaggerated and visual mini study of a very intricate but also problematic relationship between two individuals with a lot of extreme history of their own. It’s a story about abuse but if you used a correct perspective (in other words, I’m saying if you read it with the understanding this shit is not representative of anything healthy or good or nice or LOVING), it can be a very good small study for those who are interested in a visual representative of how an individual can affect another individual and how personal traits, factors, and decisions can ultimately “change the game.” 

This is by no means to say you should take this story as if it’s a real case study because it’s not. It is, however, a direct and unsubtle visual thriller about a serial killer and a stalker and their history (personally and together). If you can look at it as all the sick shit it is, then that’s all you need. Don’t associate it with love, don’t force love on it, and you should be fine. In all honesty, as a psych major, I do find the story interesting because I just 1. do not see love in this, 2. do not romanticize this in any way, 3. prefer to analyze character development and the author’s depiction of disorders/behaviors. Which leads to—

4. You can enjoy the story for what it is without condoning violence or assault. Finding a story narrative interesting, even if it is violent, does not mean that you condone the violence in it or the actions or the behaviors or anything in it. It just means you find it interesting. This goes for characters as well. Problematic characters can be visually and emotionally interesting for individuals BECAUSE they are problematic. It does not mean that the individual condones that character’s actions. Now, if you think this shit is the bomb and you wanna go kill someone too for the sake of killing, then it has nothing to do with the story and it all has to do with you (and please consider talking to someone regarding your compulsions or desire on a very serious note). 

IF THIS STORY MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU ARE WITHIN ALL RIGHTS TO GET IT AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE FROM YOU. Unfollow people, block posts, create a safe space for yourself. This is fine, this is good, this is preventative and healthy. However, if it makes you uncomfortable and disgusted and unhappily, please do not force yourself to go into it, to delve into it, and to essentially trigger yourself with anxiety, fear, and more. This is part of self care and self love – make your choices wisely for your own health even if it means crushing curiosity and getting away from the masses with opinions and arguments. 

Tldr; Don’t fucking romanticize or generalize disorders, problematic/violent behaviors (such as stalking and murder), don’t force yourself into triggered episodes so make decisions to create safety for yourself if you can, don’t shit on other people if they like it (honestly, no amount of problematic perspective on problematic behaviors condone spreading hate or violence) or if they don’t like it since a person’s interest in problematic characters or narrative or development does not suddenly make them problematic as well (because again, the relationship is not as simple as “I like thriller stories which means I AM A MURDERER!!!! I CONDONE MURDER!!!!”) , and don’t call it love or healthy. Take it as what it is and enjoy without the bullshit additions: an unapologetically in your face story about violence and abuse and two individuals. Educate yourself on topics of disorders, of behaviors, of trauma and abuse through articles, studies, etc. (not through the series ok because again, we have published journals for a reason) because it’s stories like these that can actually create interest and the desire to learn (which honestly, is always a good thing). 

CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION. I REPEAT. CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION. 

Also, JUST BECAUSE THERE’S GAY SEX IN IT AND ONE OF THE CHARACTER LOVES THE OTHER AND THEY’RE BOTH GUYS DOESN’T MEAN THIS IS “TRUE LOVE YAOI” or THE ACTIONS ARE OK. You can be gay and still be a murderer. I mean, srsly, look at John Wayne Gacy. Don’t you go romanticizing murder just because you want to look at it with rainbow eyes. Also, romanticizing murder within the LGBTQIA+ community disrespects and condones the violence in which queer individuals experience due to who they are and their identification and/or expression. 

Seriously. Just read it as what it is and be respectful to each other. If it isn’t your thing, that’s okay because it’s not meant to be everyone’s thing. If it isn’t your thing, take the steps needed to make yourself feel safe and good. Don’t let someone tell you that you can’t. 

And honestly, there is no problem in calling out those who are being problematic in a way where it affects other people (romanticizing/generalizing disorders or violence for example) but if it’s just someone who likes it because the story is interesting—??  If it is someone else’s thing, don’t pass immediate judgement and start demanding they off themselves because they’re a scourge to society or something. An interest in these types of things do not equate to a future murderer or a murderer in hiding. 

[moonlessmondays]

This is the kind of post I never really wanted to make.

But I feel like I have to?

I feel like i just need to address a few things about my writing and my fics, especially Collide

First of all, I don’t ever want to come across as ungrateful, because I am not. You all have no idea how grateful I am for all of you. It is incredible how everyone has responded to this story and how much you all love and appreciate it. It’s been overwhelming, really, to read your reviews, to find out that you all love it. I have never imagined that some sort of weird concoction of my brain would turn into this much, and this—I mean I cannot even quantify how big or how small my success is compared to others, but that’s not really what I’m here for, after all. To me, this response has been greatly overwhelming and something I never really imagined. I honestly thought only 5 people would read the fic, so I’m like woah.

But with this kind of amazingly, incredible response comes also a big responsibility(?).

It’s the kind that’s making me...well..There is a reason you haven’t been getting any Collide updates, and let me tell you why.

Lately, I have been getting at least 2 messages a day *daily* asking for Collide update, and again I want to reiterate how grateful I am over the response to this fic, but it has been putting a lot of pressure on me. Not just to update, but also to churn out really good updates because I’m afraid the wait has been eternal, and all for nothing.

I’m not saying that my updates are already any good, tbh, but that’s the point. I fret and fret more about what’s coming next, and about what I am putting out there because there are people expecting it. I’m not saying you guys had been demanding or had been rude about it if you are, because you guys are the most incredibly patient people I have ever known, and the kindest, but I just want to say that it’s been overwhelming for me.

There is so much pressure around me and around this story and I’m crumbling, drowning?

I know it sounds dramatic. But I want to be honest. It’s not easy for me. I can’t promise quantity and quality on my updates because I have a regular 9-5 job and there are so many things I have to do for me, too. I know you guys have been patient with me and have even encouraged me so much…but lately the amount of messages I receive…I get antsy because I know people are waiting.

Aside from that, artistically, I don’t know where this piece of shit is going.

I have gotten to a point where I’m questioning every turn I make in this story. I question whether it’s realistic, whether it makes sense. Perhaps, that’s the magic of it, that we get lost at how unreal it is and there is a part of me that likes that, that I get to give you an escape, but the larger part of me—it’s not the story she wants to tell.

When I started this, I wanted to write something relatable, but somehow give an idea of romanticism and keep the Cobert we know and love, and somehow that has been a very tall order which has caused me to struggle so much over this fic. I feel like I haven’t delivered to that expectation I have set for myself, never have, but lately it’s been to the extreme. Maybe because now there is a concrete proof of other people’s expectations to it and that makes me struggle more, because I am so used to disappointing myself but I would hate very much to disappoint any of you.

When I started this I legitimately did not expect this kind of response either so now I’m so…overwhelmed?

Perhaps, the issue isn’t you guys. After all, we do all strive to get reviews. Perhaps the issue is with me because I don’t deal well with pressure and I am a very anxious person and can’t deal with this much expectation. I think it is, and I really am sorry for that.  I am truly sorry that I buckle over simple things like this, and that I’m so flaky I cannot even stand the fact that I’m getting such good response?

God, it sounds awful when I think about it now.

I just want to let everyone know that I am trying very, very hard, but this subject, this issue is very real for me. It’s been stressing me out so much, and my friends @dreamofragtime and @mcgonneville have both heard me talk about this again and again and again, and I’ve just decided that I needed to let people know where I am right now in terms of the writing process, and you all deserve an explanation for this. I know this isn’t the longest period that I have not updated, but it’s been going on for a while now that I just…it needs to be let out.

Please, please, don’t get me wrong. I love your reviews, I love your response, but this…this almost obsession to make me update Collide has been eating at me. I mean, you guys realize I have other stories, too, right? And yes, maybe they aren’t as good as Collide or you’re not as invested, and honestly, I understand that and this is not just shamelessly plugging my other work, but I just…I am tired.

I don’t want to get to the point where I just decide to delete the fic because I can’t deal with it anymore. I have been so close these past few days, and I have been itching to just close that chapter of my life because it’s been just too much for me.

Gaaah.

I don’t want you all to think that I’m ungrateful, I am not. I am beyond grateful, almost disbelieving at the intensity of love and support I receive over this story. And this is exactly why I have been feeling so much pressure lately and can’t do any more than stare at my blank screen for hours on end because I am so grateful that I feel the need to give more, to do more, to do better. And I can’t live in that kind of headspace because I am already doing so much to get the story where I want it to be.

I’m so sorry I have so many self-esteem issues that even this becomes an issue when it’s supposed to be a good thing. It is, to me it is, I just need to work through these issues I have with myself so that I get to enjoy writing Collide instead of it becoming some sort of a phantom ghost for me. I want you to be able to enjoy whatever I put out there and it turn I want myself to enjoy what I put out there without these fears and pressure that’s hanging over my head.

In the end, I know I’m the only one putting this much pressure on myself and I am blaming no one but myself, I just hope you let me have the time and space to figure things out and let me work through my issues. I am trying to look at it more positively than something that makes me anxious, I guess. As a wise woman, @latifraise, told me, I need to think of it as a good thing and that it is a sign that people love it and im doing a good thing, and I promise you I am trying to do that, I just need time to process.

Nevertheless, there will be an update within this month, I promise.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone and that I continue to have your love and support. I’m so sorry over this, but I also hope I have your blessing and understanding to figure things out.

[btsreactionsandtexts]

To: KPop Tumblr / From: An Angry Black Girl

WARNING: This is a RANT. If you don’t want to read this, or you don’t want to have to sit through my deepest disappointment and the annoyance that has been dwelling within me for the longest about this; please just scroll right past this and you will be a-okay.

- Admin Dayna

Okay so, I know I’ve mentioned before that I wanted to avoid the topics of racism and culture appropriation within K-Pop because the list goes on forever, and as a black girl with anxiety and depression, having to constantly speak up against these things get extremely tiring and weigh heavy on me. But the reason why I’m deciding to write about this now is because I’ve been seeing certain things floating around in the K-Pop side of tumblr that’s quite honestly being left untouched and I just… I really can’t sit back and let it not be known.

I want to first start off with my deepest concern for the constant validation black girls seek on tumblr about whether or not so-and-so or such-and-such Idol group likes black girls. We see videos on Tumblr and YouTube quite often of compilations of idols interacting with black girls, overthinking and overplaying said interactions/conversations and romanticizing it to gain some sort of self-worth from said videos. As if these girls need confirmation that they are beautiful and can be loved by anyone. Which really hurts because what other race of girls has to sit down and ask themselves if the person they’re interested in likes their race and not them, themselves. The only time that I see anything in regards of afro-fans within the K-Pop side of Tumblr is when the blog specifically caters to said race – which truly bothers me because then my race often times get sexualized in said blogs. We should be able to intermingle no matter what our races. POC girls are of the norms, bruh like tf?

Which leads me to this topic: Black Girls – or more so Black Culture – are used as props within K-Pop so often that when I try to express my distaste towards a certain idol or a certain music video, I get backlash for it from stans because they’re so blinded by either; A) The need to be loved and noticed by their biases despite the fact that their bias is using them as an object to enhance whatever aesthetic, concept, or audience they’re trying to appeal to, or B) the aggression or culture appropriation either doesn’t affect them or is so trivial (yet very wrong) that it ends up being dusted under the rug because “they don’t know better”.

But the thing is, some of these idols have been overseas, worked overseas, lived overseas, that they have been exposed to these things already, so the truth of the matter is, they do know better. So many idols have been called out for saying certain words (for example dropping the word nigga around as if they know what it’s like to be followed around a store just in case you decide to steal something, or to have an irrational fear of authority figures just in case they go ape shit and decide to shoot you unarmed) or carrying out certain actions (for example, painting their skin black and over drawing their lips, and pretending to know what it’s like to struggle out in these streets and use our means of coping – music – as a source of entertainment and costume). It is 2017, they have social media, and so many idols before them have made these mistakes before that there is just no fucking excuse anymore.

NONE.

What lead up to this rant was the fact that Jay-fucking-Park, took a revolutionary name brand and rode it out for his own fucking label. Jay Park has taken NWA (Niggas with Attitude) and turned it into his own NWA (New Wave Attitude) and I am incredibly pissed that he would do that because Jay Park SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

The entire purpose of Niggas with Attitude was to reclaim and expose the hardships, stereotypes, and struggles of black people who find themselves cornered and stuck in the ghettos that they were forced into, and explain to the mass audiences why black people are “always angry”. Why black people “always steal”. Why black people “always do drugs”. It’s because majority of us don’t have a choice. We don’t have the same resources and do not know anything beyond the struggles of the streets because we’ve been cornered and kept there all our lives.

Now here is Jay Park, a man who has been exposed to black culture, knows black people, love black people, taking such a powerful name brand and turning it into some whimsical ass whatever-the-fuck for the hype or the wave and shit – completely dismissing the historical importance of the original NWA in music.

This shit ain’t no fucking joke. This shit ain’t to be messed with, b. Gangsta rap, hip-hop – just rap in general isn’t a fucking game. It comes from starvation. It comes from self-hate. It comes from poverty, and degradation, and discrimination. Hip-Hop and Rap became what it is because black people were too broke to afford instruments and shit – we had to use our voices. Because music was all we got. From the slave trade to now! It ain’t shit for people to be twisting up for their own fun like this.

Put some respect on our names or get the fuck out!

Now we got people like fucking Keith Ape running around snatching up Atlanta’s trap music calling it “noisy rap”. We got fucking Taeyang saying “he wanna experience black people’s pain”. We got Jackson and Jooheon making a fucking fool of themselves (bless they souls man, don’t even come for me because Jooheon is my ultimate bias, y’all know this. i fucking love him and Jackson but they were wildin’) claiming that Jooheon is like “the Korean Kendrick Lamar”. Like the fuck they know about Kendrick Lamar? The fuck they know about “The Blacker the Berry, the Sweet the Juice”? The fuck they know about “Nagus to Niggas”? The fuck they know about “How Can I paint a picture, when the color blind is hanging you?”

What does Jay Park know about “Fuck the Police”?

Black people aren’t props.

Stop protecting y’all biases and get with the shits bruh.

Anyways, I hope y’all have a blessed day. Love you.

[braindump7]

february 28, 2017

2:23am

Okay so I just put this thing on private and I’m pretty sure only my followers can see this. Turns out some people still read what I post on here (other than Ena, it’s Justin, and yes, I was in shock too), but I don’t wanna have to be careful with what I say just because I’m scared to offend him. Anyways I am extremely tired but my sister an dI honestly just talked for two and a half hours, and it was much needed. We talked about a lot of things I want to keep in mind, and also in writing, so I won’t forget.

1. She was having friend issues with a mutual friend, who is actually Justin’s cousin because, of course, he is literally everywhere. :-) Anyways I love both of these girls with my whole heart and I just want them to make up so this subject took up about 45 minutes to an hour, and I finally convinced my sister to help me try to mediate between the two of them over ice cream soon. Bea said I had really good advice, and also said that I was good at putting things into perspective. My baby sister telling me that gives me the feeling that I finally have something substantial to offer, and that is probably one of the best compliments I’ve heard in a long time. 

2. Bea wanted to go out to a party Friday night. I told her that it’s ultimately her choice, but I finally talked to her about the other night she got drunk at her best friend’s house. I asked her why she did that, and she replied with the word, “stressed.” I then told her about my recent thoughts about how much I hate the romanticization of alcohol in our generation, and we talked about it. Turns out, she didn’t really want to go, and just felt pressured. She said it helped hearing from me, then thanked me for taking care of her that night, and said that she’ll be more careful of how she presents herself. 

3. Somehow we got to the topic of boys again. She doesn’t really have any boy issues right now, except for the fact that this one guy she was crushing on turned out to be gay, but she laughed it off. I told her about my theory that the best partners are approved by siblings, not parents or best friends, and I realize now just how important Bea’s opinion is to me, because she’s the ONLY person I’ve been with for my entire life, and she knows me better than anyone else. She told me about how she automatically liked only one of my exes, and of course, it’s obvious which one because she literally had a nickname for him and everything. She definitely hated the second, and WOW SIDE NOTE: turns out he sucks more than I thought, but I’m over it. She likes Justin but she says that he’s confusing, but homegirl doesn’t even knooooooow. (Until I told her. Turns out she already knew.)

I’ve already kinda forgotten about the rest, because it was probably just sister nonsense, but wow; my sister and I honestly fight about so many things, but nobody really knows me the way she does. I know this is such an important time in her life, and I could only hope that I can help her out by being home. She made me cry multiple times tonight but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the last thing she said before I left her room (other than to close the door): “Ate, you’ve been through a lot of shit, but it’s okay because you can give really good advice to your kids one day.”

[rheyareads]

can’t sleep.

I can’t sleep.

Not surprising given my mind is running a mile a minute with thoughts and yet a bit surprising given the fact that I went to bed at 6:30 pm yesterday and slept through the night until work this morning.

I’m exhausted but I think my body is on its own schedule right now, so I suppose I’ll use the time I have wisely and try to process through some of this mile a minute thoughts (if only thinking burned calories, amirite?)

My last post had the highest views my blog has ever had. People seem to have a lot of thoughts about it and a lot have reached out to me in various ways to offer support, encouragement, advice, etc. and I appreciate all of the effort on everyone’s part. It means a lot to me. One of the biggest pieces of advice I continue to get is to go talk to someone so I suppose I will use this space here to address that in a broader context so that I don’t have to continue saying the same thing over and over again. So, here we go!

Honestly – I don’t want to.

I know that sounds like I’m being a brat but it’s true. Counseling is an intimate thing for me and I had the same counselor for 7 years while I was at Brockport and it took probably 4 years of me seeing her for me to actually trust her enough to show up consistently to work through my shit. Even after that, I would say 90% of our time together was me complaining. I’m a firm believer in counseling, I think it’s a beautiful thing, I encourage everyone to try it, and I know that it can be incredibly helpful. I literally became a counselor because I believed in it so much.

The problem is that in order for counseling to work you have to be willing to do that work, and I’m just not right now. I’m fucking exhausted. And honestly I’m sick of always having to go to counseling. I have gone for so much of my life because bad shit happens over and over and over and honestly I’m at the point where I’m just sick.of.it.

It seems like these two mindsets are conflicting, and they probably are, because HEY! I’m a gemini, that’s what we do – but in all seriousness, I don’t want to pay money to go talk to a counselor who is going to tell me things I already know and help me put together the puzzle behind why I’m feeling the way I am right now.

Let me break it down for you –

I have an incredibly deep rooted negative self-image, the product of childhood friendships that were toxic, an unhealthy and at times emotionally abusive relationship with my father, sexual assault, toxic relationships, medical issues, family trauma, medical trauma of my own and various other life events all wrapped up in a nice genetic predisposition for lack of serotonin production.

I have always felt this way about myself/my life/my achievements/my worth. I’m just usually a lot better at covering it up so that none of you worry about me and I don’t have to explain myself.

The problem is that I am utterly drained by grief right now, to the point where I am exhausting all of my energy just to get out of bed and go to work each day since losing my aunt. Thanks to a shitty guy, I was so wrapped up in bullshit when she died that I literally didn’t even mentally process her death and now I am slowly losing my mind at the thought of life without her. Because of this, I quite literally CANNOT keep up appearances and pretend that I love myself/have positive aspirations/believe I have a good future etc. I just can’t. I have no energy left to give to devote to that and so what the world is seeing is the full force of the inner thoughts I have had time and time and again for as long as I can remember.

I am not kidding when I tell you I do not remember a time when I loved myself. I do not remember a time when I believed myself to be worthy of love. I do not remember a time when I thought myself worth anything.

What I remember are times when it didn’t consume me. Thanks to medication, I’m able to go about my life and not have this become something that runs my day to day in a full force way.

Right now, is not one of those times.

And I’m not saying I’ll never go back to counseling or that I don’t think it will work for me – I’m sure that I will at some point when I’m able to. But I’m saying right now I am fucking exhausted and sick and tired of feeling like this day in and day out and I don’t want to have to go to another doctor and pay another medical bill to hear all the ways in which my thinking is distorted. I know it is. I know it’s me. I know that ‘only I can change how I respond to situations’ or whatever but my god can’t I just get a break from it every now and again?

I feel like there’s more anger coming through than anything else when in reality I’m just tired. I’m fucking angry too, but I’m just exhausted and I can barely get up in the morning let alone “look for the positives”. It’s a lot easier to say to people than it actually is to do sometimes.

Maybe it seems dramatic to some of you. Maybe it feels like I just want attention (to those who think that I say a big fuck you) but the only reason I’m even talking about it online is because this is the only thing I have the energy to do right now. I know that if I started talking about it in person I would actually lose it and scare everyone even more and I don’t want that so this is my solution. I am not physically capable of crying and breaking down in front of people in person because the shame of that feeling may actually destroy me. It’s hard enough facing people in person who’ve read this. No one has to read this. No one has to say anything but at least I can get things out of my head and put somewhere for a time. This is my temporary fix.

While I’m being honest, I just want to say that I know – I know I need help. I know I could make small changes. I know that being depressing and negative gets me no where and attracts no one – I know. But it’s all the more frustrating when the rational side of who you are knows those things and the irrational side has taken over and you can’t stop yourself from feeling or thinking a certain way. I know that the way to catch a boyfriend isn’t by telling the world how crazy I am but at the same time, do I even want someone who doesn’t know who I really I am? cuz this is it.  And it sucks even more when you know you’re letting everyone down while it happens, too.

I’m even questioning my faith which I know is upsetting like half the people in my life and would completely upset my aunt, but again – I can’t help it. How am I supposed to believe in an all powerful, healing God when I watched her faith remain strong and unyielding in every dark moment of suffering, just to watch her die in the end and not get the healing she’s promised? She spent her whole live devoted to God and what hope do I have if someone like her wasn’t able to beat cancer (or even got it in the first place).

On top of that – I just sit and think about how I have wasted SO . MUCH. TIME. Going to school for a career that literally threw me away when she was diagnosed. Spending years romanticizing a toxic relationship into something I believe resembled love when it was actually the complete opposite. Sacrificing my time and energy into all these things that just blew up in my face leaving me with nothing but time spent – all time I could have spent with my aunt.

Time I could have spent finding the right career that would have let me have balance or the right relationship that would have let me get married and have her officiate my wedding and see me walk down the aisle. Things that would let me get healthy enough to actually have a baby and have her with me in the delivery room to hold her the way she held me when I was born.

But I can’t go back. I can’t get any of that time back. And now she’s gone, and I am still alone. Still lost. Still depressed and still trying to make sense of what the hell it’s all supposed to mean. And I know that feeling this way and being this negative won’t further me to anything in the future – but I don’t even care right now. I can’t care. I have no energy left to care because it’s all spent. All of it.

I want to be the person everyone says they know I can be. But I honestly don’t know how. I appreciate everyone saying that I matter, or that I’ve left an impact on them somehow. It’s nice to hear. I think we don’t do enough of that until people are gone or hurting. We don’t tell them what they mean until it’s too late and I appreciate everyone who’s done that. I love you all so much and so deeply and I’m sorry that I’m not able to put that into words right now.

But I can’t pretend to not feel this way. I can’t pretend like I’m okay because I’m not. I can’t pretend like I want to go to a counselor because I don’t.

What I want, is to know what it feels like to be happy and not have to utilize medicine and therapy to get there for a change. What I want is to stop letting people down by feeling the way I do all the time. What I want is to sleep and wake up not feeling tired. What I want is to come home and have someone to share my life with. What I want is to have someone hug me and let me cry until I fall asleep and have that be okay.

Thanks for reading – Even when I don’t respond, I’m paying attention to what you say.

from WordPress https://rheyareads.wordpress.com/2019/04/10/cant-sleep/

[aandr248]

Can We Just Talk About How Junjou Romantica Romanticizes Rape Culture? K Thx.

Need I say more? Because apparently I FUCKING DO.

JUNJOU ROMANTICA STARTED WITH SEXUAL ASSAULT. 

I honestly don’t give a fuck how you want to look at it. No means no.

Usagi (which is a creepy ass pet name for a grown man btw) legitimately assaults Misaki in his bedroom upon first meeting him. His excuse? HE WAS TIRED AND CRANKY. That’s like fucking saying I’m going to burn down a 7/11 because they didn’t have the coffee I wanted. Not only that, but continually throughout the story he harasses him on a daily basis even when Misaki shows clear disdain for this treatment, disdain that drives Misaki to beg him to stop at one point. Like legitimately, Misaki is portrayed as “hard to get” and “playing coy” throughout all this. NO HE IS NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET HE IS LEGIT SCREAMING AT HIM TO STOP ASSAULTING HIM. This is rape culture at its worst and to add further insult to injury, this type of media portrayal of victims helps discredit survivors who are often labelled as “hard to get” and “coy.”

Sure, he grows to “love” him at some point, but does that really excuse the manner in which he was abused? Does that really sweep all that trauma under the rug? Has anyone ever thought of the fact that said trauma is the only reason they love each other? Is it really love?

I see this in a lot of Nakamura-sensei’s works. Typically, we just smile and walk away as we clearly have a characters that are clearly experiencing deeply rooted emotional trauma just fuck for our amusement. Literal sexual harassment is laughed off as some sort of spark for romantic intrigue?? 

“But they belong together“ - says stupid bitch #1

“Who are you to judge their true love“ - says stupid bitch #2

I am a rationale human being with enough sense in me to know when someone is being sexually traumatized and enough morality in me to know that it is not ok. On top of which, if you really want more rationale as to why they should not be together, on top of the fact that there is literal sexual assault in this, look at my last post on sekaiichi hatsukoi. Nakamura-sensei has legit shit writing that mimics itself and carries over the same character archetypes between stories. The characters and their mannerisms, rationales, and beings are the same and absolutely none of them should be together.

Did I take you out of your immersion? GOOD BECAUSE SOME OF YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. Especially considering that the majority of readers for yaoi are female identifying people. Females OVERWHELMINGLY experience sexual assault in our world today and few realize just what socializes this rise of rape culture that we see all around us.

(BTW give me names of other yaoi I should drag. This is fun.)